Scarves are Crumb-Catchers for the Beardless

I've spent the past several hours in the car traveling back from Monterey (a trip I will likely get into in another post) when I noticed something. If you have a slight chill and are driving 68mph a scarf is the absolute best, and probably safest, thing to put on.

Being from the South, I don't generally know what to do when it gets cold. As Southerners, we typically have one winter coat and will just wear all the sweaters and sweatshirts we own underneath said coat. However, in colder climes, people use in-between pieces like vests and scarves, which (gasp) are designed specifically to be layered with all of your other clothes. These garments provide a surprising amount of warmth for what I previously assumed were a sleeveless jacket and strip of cloth (respectively). After discovering the myriad of scarf uses and ways to tie them I keep one with me since it is easy to cram into a bag and does a shockingly good job at keeping the chill off. Which leads me to my car discovery.

My car's temperature gauge is most likely a victim of undiagnosed bi-polar disorder. It will fluctuate from hot to cold, and no matter where you position the little marker it blows the inappropriate temperature. Are you sweating as if you've entered the ninth circle of hell? Please enjoy the hot breath of Satan. Are you freezing? My car's ventilation system will happily transport you to the Siberian tundra. 

Anyway, in order to deal with my car's issues, I have to continue to adjust the controls, windows and my clothes. I finally found temperature nirvana by cracking all four windows, turning the vent on cool, defrost (actually set to warm, defrost) and tying a scarf around my neck.

My hypothalamus finally stopped freaking out as my body temperature evened out and I sank into blissful comfort. After I stopped thinking so much about how hot or cold I was or whether or not I could see out my windows, I realized I was starving. Thankfully I had several granola bars on hand so I ripped the wrapper off one and took a satisfying chomp out of it. This resulted in an almost immediate reduction in hunger and what seemed like a meteor shower of granola bits all over the place. Upon finishing my snack, I then spent the next several minutes picking crumbs out of my scarf, which basically acted like one of those plastic lobster bibs. 

To my exceeding joy, I discovered I could enjoy the granola bar long after I'd eaten it. It dawned on me that this is what it must be like to have a beard. Those lucky individuals with facial hair have a natural to-go box right there on their face. Furthermore, they can show off to their friends who will look on with jealousy not know when the bearded one is going to finish off that half-sandwich hanging off their lip. 

It took me a long time to make this connection because I am beardless. I come from a long line of facially-hairless men (unfortunately) and women (thankfully). So it wasn't until I donned the scarf that I discovered what I had been missing all these years. I too can eat sloppily and then enjoy the crumbs that avalanched down my chin into my waiting scarf at a later time. No face Rogaine required...all I needed was a scarf!

So, I will leave you with this potentially, life-altering news and let you know that I will continue to use my scarf as a highly-effective layering garment and a crumb-catcher. Additionally, I will now assume all bearded men wearing scarves are just plain greedy.

Well, that is all I have for now...I have to go, my scarf itches...