Liberate the Lunatic

So true...

I can say with expertise (a one-hour improv class I took yesterday and a lifetime of silliness) that there is indeed power in being the clown. I've spent most of my life pursuing laughter and feeding off the reactions of others. Incidentally, I felt like the only way I succeeded was if I got a desired reaction and by not getting that reaction I thought I'd failed...and I took it personally. 

What I am learning (in life and in this improv class) is that not caring about looking silly is the real gift.

 The class, held at the YWCA in Berkeley (yes I did ask them over the phone if boys were allowed in the building), has been a wonderful introduction to quick-thinking storytelling and helped me delve even further into the absurd. We spent the first class playing all sorts of games and I was surprised that my normal inclination to melt into the background around strangers, quickly faded and we all embraced the energy and freedom that comes with realizing that anything is possible. 

I'd always practiced, re-rehearsed and freaked out when it came to public speaking. I had terrible test anxiety and the fear of failure would actually block my ability to access information. If there is a method in improv it is that there is no method, no preparation and most importantly, no failure. What a great way to test your anxiety, go unprepared, unpracticed and be shocked at how well you do (not recommended for business meetings or eulogies). Moving beyond the hesitation and fear of judgement let me access that part of me that observes and shares all the ridiculous things I see in the world. And I've realized that letting go of the need for approval is emancipating. And also, that I am completely nuts.

Now that I am free to be the total bat-sh*t lunatic I always dreamed of, the laughs are bigger, the smiles wider, and I couldn't be happier. Now that's powerful.