Food Tour of Berkeley: Round One

I am not a vegetarian, nor do I have any food restrictions or qualms about eating something that once had a face. I also have no problem with anyone who eats/lives differently than I do, and I like to try things that will expand my horizons, although I admittedly struggle with the concept of meatless meat. So with a new friend in tow (one who must not eat gluten, nor animals, and especially not gluten animals), we ventured into the Berkeley in search of gourmet rabbit food.

The first place we tried was a popular place called Café Gratitude. This place came highly recommended and highly scorned by various parties, so I was anxious to see which side it would fall on for me. As expected, it was pretty good. The menu names did not impress me and the food was odd, but it had quality ingredients and decent flavor even though I am not entirely certain what I was eating. I thought we ordered the BLT, but because we had to substitute a non-bagel, gluten-free onion bagel and there was no bacon, real or fake I could only guess. We received a box with a ramekin of dressing and lettuce and tomato. Upon further discovery we found the bottom half of a non-bagel, gluten-free onion bagel cut in half and covered in coconut butter or something, so it did have minor sandwich parallels. 

"BLT" No Meat, No Forks, No Problem...

The lettuce, tomato and “bread” (I guess that is what the B stood for?) was tasty although didn't really resemble what I thought we ordered. Anyway, it turned out that Cafe Gratitude was grateful for many things except for a delivery of forks and napkins (which they were out of), so we had to spoon the remaining salad. Whatever, I liked it well enough, but I didn't think it lived up to the hype...perhaps with forks it would've had more clout.

We did meet and talk to some nice folks while we were spooning our roughage and learned about some other places nearby that would be worth a look. So after we got a few food movie recommendations (fat, sick and nearly dead...and other equally uplifting titles) and had a couple try to convert us to the joys of juicing, we headed to the next location. Another couple, a nice guy and a woman wearing a chihuahua, recommended that we go to a nearby vegetarian diner so we did. 

Again, the concept of a vegetarian diner confused me, but once we arrived at the Saturn Café it made sense in a Berkeley sort of way. Upon arrival, I discovered I needed to use the restroom (of course), so I followed the appropriate signs only to come face-to-face with two options: Robots or Aliens. I wasn't sure if I was a robot or an alien and I tried to weigh the possibilities of gender specifics for machines or intergalactic travelers. It turns out that in fine print by each handle was a typed note that claimed both restrooms were gender neutral, so I peed in the corner. With that conundrum figured out, I headed back to our glitzy booth and tried to read the menu. 

Reading a vegetarian menu is like reading a foreign language, well more specifically, its like reading your own language only to discover that all the same words mean something completely different. I started to ask about the Space Cowboy Burger, which turned out to actually be a gluten-free, soybean patty smothered in soy cheese, covered with lettuce, tomato, onion rings and barbeque sauce served on a gluten-free wheat bun. I tried to claim that my “burger” was overcooked, but the waitstaff just looked at me funny. So I dove into what was going to be an interesting take on a barbeque burger. Instead I ate what tasted more like a bean curd lump that had been dragged across a dusty field for the better part of three days, then heated and served directly to me. This leads me to the conclusion that food tastes better when it suffers first, perhaps if we could do more to mistreat soybeans before they are harvested we might be able to add some much-needed flavor. I'd buy Girl Scout cookies to help advance the mistreatment of soybeans...just sayin'.

Or, maybe, I need to re-evaluate my measurement scale of vegetarian fare. Instead of thinking I am going to bite into something that resembles a burger, I should anticipate something more along the lines of a legume frittata with real vegetables served on a bread-like substance, which would help keep my expectations a little more open. If I could go back and try this again, I might have enjoyed it a little more, or at least experienced it differently, but since they called it a burger that was my frame of reference. I think I might have better luck if vegetarians named their food after what it is, not what it isn't, but until then I will have to wait until Google Translate has a vegetarian option. 

To be fair the food at both places was good and opened my eyes and taste buds to new options. Kidding aside, it was a delightful adventure and I had a great time trying new food in new places and getting one step closer to understanding the meatless meat paradox.