No Going Back

This is a post about never turning back, about persistence in the face of defeat, or it is the story of how a trip into Berkeley changed when we literally lost the ability to drive in reverse. Either way, its pretty inspiring, sort of. 

We were on a mission to find a used car for one of our friends so we (myself, a couple, and a young lady looking to purchase a used car) all hopped in the SUV to drive to a used car lot in Berkeley. It started out like any other trip, we unloaded what was already in the car, then loaded stuff and people, backed out of the driveway (pay attention, this is important) and headed for the highway. 

The four of us, myself at the helm, Julian (a certified and gifted mechanic...another fact important to the story), his wife Beverly, and Johanna (the young lady in need of a car) began poorly navigating the streets of Berkeley. I am a little embarrassed to admit that although I've been living out here for nearly two years, I have literally no idea how to get around in Berkeley, Oakland or SF. When I find myself in this situation I turn to one source of spiritual guidance for support...Siri. 

Either I have a poorer grasp of the english language than I think, or Siri is intentionally trying to kill me. On numerous occasions I have said (clearly, I believe) "Siri, please take me to blah blah address in blah blah town." To which Siri has one of two responses. The first is that she is too busy to help me right now and that I should try again later. Who else is she working with at this moment? I was led to believe that each iPhone had its own Siri, solely dedicated to helping the one user of the phone. But perhaps, due to the economic climate Siri has been forced to handle multiple idiotic requests from other users in my area. These poor folk must have much harder questions than "Where is the nearest gas station?" because she seems preoccupied with them most of the time. 

When Siri does find the time to tear herself away from all these phantom requests, she practically shouts with supreme confidence the driving directions to a news kiosk in Siberia. Not once has she given me accurate directions to anywhere outside of Siberia. But I was feeling lucky, so I used Siri's vast intellect to find a used car lot in Berkeley. And she DID. 

It was even the correct lot and nowhere near North Asia. Win, right? Wrong. Because there was a fire or something on Shattuck causing a detour and when their is a detour the maps application just thinks you're being obstinate and starts screaming rerouting updates while you are in the middle of the intersection. 

Maps Lady: "In 400 feet turn left onto Dwight Avenue."

Me: "Great, I see Dwight up ahead, I have now moved across three lanes of traffic for my upcoming left turn."

Maps Lady: "Recalculating, Turn Right on Dwight Avenue."

Me: "What!!?!?! You just told me to turn left!"

Maps Lady: "Recalculating...Please make a U turn where safe."

Me: "There is basically nowhere in Berkeley to make a safe U Turn."

Then she tells me to turn right a bunch of times, then left, then "you have arrived" when I clearly have NOT arrived. At one point the map showed me driving in what looked like the correct direction, only to flip around and add three minutes to my destination. So I made a left and pulled into a short driveway to make a three-point turn and that is when I discovered that I had lost both Park and Reverse in the car. 

Thankfully, there wasn't any traffic except for a herd of hipsters on fixies, but once they passed I put the car in neutral (one of my two choices) and forced everyone out of the car to push me back into the street. This maneuver went quite smoothly, but now I'm aware that we can't back up or get the key out of the ignition. Julian (the mechanic) affirmed that we indeed could not move the shifter into reverse or park, which validated that we actually had a problem and not that I just couldn't figure out how to make the car go backwards. 

We did eventually find the Buggy Bank car lot, and everyone but me helped Johanna go car shopping, while I sat in the car guarding it from extremely unlikely theft. I also, luckily, found a spot that no one could park in front of me, thus not needing the crew to push me backwards again. After forty minutes of shopping we grabbed a coffee at a nearby café and then piled back in the car. The drive back was uneventful, except that we were fighting rush-hour traffic and trying to make it to the dealership service department before they closed at five-thirty. We made with like six minutes to spare. 

There isn't really a satisfying end to the story...it just sort of ends...we made it back home and nothing else happened. Although the very next day, I drove (a different car) back to Berkeley with Johanna and on the way there we signed her up for insurance and got a check so she could buy the car she saw the day before. As far as I know, that one backs up, which is nice.