Best Laid Plans
So my 2016 started with a challenge, just not the challenge I intended. I had been looking forward to a mountain bike ride for two months now. Either timing, plans or weather have prevented me from riding the Heckler for far too long and I vowed that on New Year's Day, my day off, I would hit the trail early in the morning and get out and commune with nature.
I hadn't been on the bike in a while and I was going to hit one of the trails I used to ride when I first moved out here. It would involve quite a bit of climbing and some single track and fire trail downhills. This ride usually takes about 45 minutes, but since I thought I would be out of bike shape I gave myself and hour because I knew this was going to be a particularly grueling ride for me. It starts with a two-mile climb on the road before you even get to the good stuff and I was pretty sure I could do it, but that it would really challenge me. This was exactly how I wanted 2016 to start. \
I hydrated, had a light shake, took my vitamins and watched YouTube videos for inspiration. I meditated and sat quietly focusing my energy and my will on thoroughly enjoying the ride. I geared up, loaded the bike and drove to the trail.
On the way up to the trail I passed frozen puddles, trees and grass on the hills that look just a little faded and washed out with cold, but the sun was poking through the branches as I took the windy road to the top. Lots of old feelings came back as I traveled up the road I had spent so much time on two short, yet seemingly long years ago.
I finally arrived and parked and started putting on more layers (it was 30*) and gearing up. I put air in the tires and loaded my pack, locked the car and got ready to take on my first challenge of 2016. And I did. Although I never actually got on the bike. The front tire had already gone flat and I realized that I had an issue with the stem. I fumbled for 30 minutes with numb fingers trying in vain to get the tire to hold air before I admitted defeat.
By admitting defeat, I mean that I cursed so loudly all wildlife in a 2-mile radius scattered, I kicked my own very expensive and much loved bike, threw my helmet, and generally had a tantrum right there on the side of the road...like an adult.
I had put so much hope, longing and emotional energy into that ride, that I almost couldn't bear it when I realized it wasn't going to happen. I threw all my gear back on and in the car, slamming doors and cursing and hurling things this way and that all the while. I started the car and sped off down the road in a rage. My teeth were grinding, every muscle was taught, I nearly broke my phone because I couldn't change the song with my gloves on and basically let every little thing be part of the conspiracy to ruin my life.
I drove home angry, although the heat of it had dissipated by the time I got back. I didn't even notice, but in my tantrum and in the cold I had tweaked my neck, so now that hurt, which was more fuel to the woe is me fire. Once back in the warmth of the house, with coffee in hand, I started thinking more clearly. I realized that I had every right to be angry so I was, I realized I didn't want to be the kind of person who threw tantrums, so I stopped (and without permanent damage to anything I cannot currently afford to fix!). I knew that the world wasn't conspiring against me and that I was being silly, but I still let myself be angry and disappointed about the letdown. The funny thing is that I literally meditated for ten minutes, then not 20 minutes later was rage-flinging my expensive gear around in a very unzen-like manner.
Once I calmed down and stopped being so irrationally mad at myself and the world a few things came to mind. One was that the challenge I was looking for, was one that would test my physical fitness, but the one I got tested my emotions, which clearly needed the exercise. I realized that was the challenge I really needed, one that would test my mental resolve and help me put into practice all the tools I learned last year to help me grow in ways I never thought I could. That is how my 2016 needed to start.
Incidentally, I had started my outdoor cycle activity tracking when I unloaded the bike and forgot to turn it off until I got back into the car to angrily drive away. Turns out that my Tasmanian Devil-style rage hurricane had burned 83 active calories, so I guess I did get some exercise after all. Happy 2016 y'all!
I hadn't been on the bike in a while and I was going to hit one of the trails I used to ride when I first moved out here. It would involve quite a bit of climbing and some single track and fire trail downhills. This ride usually takes about 45 minutes, but since I thought I would be out of bike shape I gave myself and hour because I knew this was going to be a particularly grueling ride for me. It starts with a two-mile climb on the road before you even get to the good stuff and I was pretty sure I could do it, but that it would really challenge me. This was exactly how I wanted 2016 to start. \
I hydrated, had a light shake, took my vitamins and watched YouTube videos for inspiration. I meditated and sat quietly focusing my energy and my will on thoroughly enjoying the ride. I geared up, loaded the bike and drove to the trail.
On the way up to the trail I passed frozen puddles, trees and grass on the hills that look just a little faded and washed out with cold, but the sun was poking through the branches as I took the windy road to the top. Lots of old feelings came back as I traveled up the road I had spent so much time on two short, yet seemingly long years ago.
 |
| Ready to roll and/or generally lose my shit.. |
By admitting defeat, I mean that I cursed so loudly all wildlife in a 2-mile radius scattered, I kicked my own very expensive and much loved bike, threw my helmet, and generally had a tantrum right there on the side of the road...like an adult.
I had put so much hope, longing and emotional energy into that ride, that I almost couldn't bear it when I realized it wasn't going to happen. I threw all my gear back on and in the car, slamming doors and cursing and hurling things this way and that all the while. I started the car and sped off down the road in a rage. My teeth were grinding, every muscle was taught, I nearly broke my phone because I couldn't change the song with my gloves on and basically let every little thing be part of the conspiracy to ruin my life.
I drove home angry, although the heat of it had dissipated by the time I got back. I didn't even notice, but in my tantrum and in the cold I had tweaked my neck, so now that hurt, which was more fuel to the woe is me fire. Once back in the warmth of the house, with coffee in hand, I started thinking more clearly. I realized that I had every right to be angry so I was, I realized I didn't want to be the kind of person who threw tantrums, so I stopped (and without permanent damage to anything I cannot currently afford to fix!). I knew that the world wasn't conspiring against me and that I was being silly, but I still let myself be angry and disappointed about the letdown. The funny thing is that I literally meditated for ten minutes, then not 20 minutes later was rage-flinging my expensive gear around in a very unzen-like manner.
Once I calmed down and stopped being so irrationally mad at myself and the world a few things came to mind. One was that the challenge I was looking for, was one that would test my physical fitness, but the one I got tested my emotions, which clearly needed the exercise. I realized that was the challenge I really needed, one that would test my mental resolve and help me put into practice all the tools I learned last year to help me grow in ways I never thought I could. That is how my 2016 needed to start.
Incidentally, I had started my outdoor cycle activity tracking when I unloaded the bike and forgot to turn it off until I got back into the car to angrily drive away. Turns out that my Tasmanian Devil-style rage hurricane had burned 83 active calories, so I guess I did get some exercise after all. Happy 2016 y'all!
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